rarely — very rarely — you end up finding a brother from another mother. someone whose (non)spiritual beliefs are the same as yours, who knows that sartre and kafka are not anime characters, whose childhood experiences — thanks to mass media — are shared, whose musical awakenings are the same as yours, down to the first album you ever purchased. that’s terrific, right?
not when he’s single and hot, and you’re taken.
when you wake up one morning and realize that your best friend has a kid, your ex just got married, and that your hippie idol actually cut his hair, you know you’re getting old.
i resent this. twenty till i die, i’ve always declared, and i’ve stuck to it. unfortunately, it’s lonely being “twenty” when everyone else around you has turned … well, adult. i’m not happy that my best friend and i can’t irresponsibly spend money on designer coffee as often because she has to buy baby formula. i can’t exchange risque jokes with my ex anymore. and i can’t idolize clean-cut artists.
on the other hand, i’m about to return to school, potentially quit my job, keep playing in a band, and paint. i don’t know whether to feel retarded or just worry-free.
blood and chocolate – in romania, starving homeless hot artist gets involved with a werewolf woman who makes chocolate. if you can get past the premise, you can get through the movie.
wild hogs – poor william h. macy. he gets the brunt of the worst slapstick scenes in the entire movie. he does, however, get to make out with marisa tomei. ray liotta seems to have been channeling his role in “goodfellas” for this one. nothing wrong with that, really, but does he have to do it the same way, down to the laugh?
the shooter – quite entertaining, with lots of shots of marky mark’s ultra-buff upper body. this one caught me by surprise — i’m not into manly action movies, but “the shooter” entertains and never overly stretches your suspension of disbelief.
a strange sensation overcame me as i was working out to billy blanks’ ultimate bootcamp this morning. while drenched to the tips of my hair in sweat and squat-thrusting, i suddenly thought of myself as a piece of sinigang na baboy. i felt edible. i even wondered how i’d taste.
i feel somewhat more normal now, but sometimes still find myself unconsciously poking my tummy and thinking “mmm … liempo.”
what a day. everything, everysinglegoddamned thing that could go wrong did. it includes:
a cancelled meeting getting rescheduled to today
bandmates cars being banned, thanks to UVVRP
my having to pick them up
my car getting a flat tire
the people in the parking area being complete assholes
my getting lost (as usual)
ok, i realize that a lot of people have had it worse. i’m just so tired. and i’m not through with the day yet. i’d like nothing more right now than a pack of cigarettes, a latte, and decent conversation.
but since the SO is busy watching the amazing race, i’ll just have to content myself with cigarettes and a latte. whoop-tee-fucking doo.
sad how the person you love the most can also be the world’s biggest asshole.
——-
i just saw my reflection in our office restroom mirror. i look terrible. i look sick. sure, my abs are starting to become nicely defined, but my eyes and cheeks are sunken. but it’s weird, since i’ve been adapting a “healthy” lifestyle lately — exercising, upping the veggies and fruits, sleeping more, and smoking less.
compulsive exercising? how much should i exercise anyway? i read that 200 – 300 minutes per week is recommended for weight maintenance. i only exercise 30 – 45 minutes a day. and i only do cardio and very very minimal weights.
suffering from low self-esteem is crappy.
this afternoon, i saw this guy i used to date. he was with his new girlfriend, who had a prissy little dog not much unlike herself in tow. it was startling to see someone who was so big on “freedom” and “non-commitment” getting pussywhipped by someone like his partner. i can’t help it: i equate prissy little yappy dogs with prissy little yappy owners.
he had cut his hair to a normal length, and really — whatever i found attractive about him a long time ago was nowhere to be found. where did the outrageous outfits go? the d.i.y. haircut? (i confess his intellect and personality were not what i found most attractive.) where did the lack of willingness to conform go?
now i can’t help but wonder: am i getting old and boring too?
i wish i could take a snapshot of my life right now. it’s not perfect, but i am pretty happy. my standards are fairly low, yes, but i’m doing things that i really enjoy — and my partner’s a terrific sport about it.
that, or perhaps exercising everday is doing wonders for my mood.
i don’t normally make new year’s resolutions. i figure i’m too freakin lazy to bother following through with them, anyway.
however, last night, i was not-too-tactfully reminded that i’m turning 25 in a couple of months. yes, yes, all my thirtysomething friends tell me that 25 is young. and it probably is, if not for the millions of things i want to do — and need to get out of the way before my joints get achy and i become immobile, or get pregnant. they aren’t very different things, i think.
since long-term planning isn’t my strength, the best i could do is plan for this year. and this year, i am going to:
1. exhibit my paintings — even just a two-man show will do.
2. apply (and get accepted!) for my master’s degree in fine arts.
3. come up with 3 original musical compositions. hopefully at least will gets some radio airplay. or becomes the anthem of the next generation. hah.
4. learn to speak spanish so i can apply for a scholarship. or become a part-time spanish-speaking agent, hahaha.
unfortunately, i have no income-generating goal for this year. but hey, i figure i’m at liberty to be a non-earning entity since i have no mouths to feed. of course i want to *gag* settle down someday, but i want to be able to do it wholeheartedly if that day comes. i don’t want any what-ifs to keep me awake at night.
i don’t have any travel plans this year. last year was good: i got to go to sagada, batangas, samar, and palawan. this year, i think i should buckle down and get to work.
